When we found out we were pregnant with our 4th child, we were so excited!
We already have 3 beautiful children, Asher who is 1, Addilynn is 6, and Ayden who is 7. When we told the older kids they were so excited and happy, especially my daughter who really wants a sister.
With all 3 pregnancies, I always waited until the 1st or 2nd ultrasound to announce anything just to make sure. So after my first ultrasound we announced our 4th! All previous 3 pregnancies were perfectly healthy. So this time around I had no thoughts, worries, or concerns about a miscarriage at all. It never even crossed my mind.
So when I went in for my 2nd ultrasound and heard the nurse say " I am so sorry but there is no heartbeat." I was in shock. I vaguely remember all I could do was whisper okay, and she said she would go get the doctor to explain what my next steps were.
I sat there in tears wondering how could this of happened, did I do anything wrong, was this for real? I felt so naive that I never even worried about having a miscarriage or that it was so common. I never knew anything about it until it was me crying in the doctors office.
I was then given my options on miscarrying naturally, with medicine, or get a D&C. I remembered one of my friends telling me she took the medicine and it was very painful both physically but mentally as well and that she just wished she had gotten the D&C. So with that being the only thing to go off of I went with the D&C scheduled 2 days later.
When I got home and was finally able to do anything other then cry, I started searching online trying to find anything I could on miscarriage.
Did you know that 1 in every 5 women have a miscarriage at least once in their life? My doctor said in reality it's more like 1 in every 3 women... That means if you pick out 3 friends or family members at least 1 of them as probably experience a miscarriage. That is so crazy to me. I barely hear about them, most likely because its too painful for mamas to say anything, and I totally understand that.
I started thinking of a couple more friends I remember had gone through this, I texted them, and asked about their experiences, they knew my pain all to well but it made me feel better knowing I could get some support and more knowledge on what I knew nothing about. After talking to both of them I knew the D&C was the right way to go for me.
I think the hardest thing to think about was having to tell our kids.
My son looked so worried and my daughter had tears in her eyes. I couldn't stop crying. Luckily with the help of my wonderful supporting husband, they came to understand that God just decided it was not time yet and he took the baby back to heaven with him, and when the time is right God will give us another baby.
Then I went on social media for the first time after finding out, and I felt like it was God speaking to me.
The first post on my feed was another mama, who was sharing her story of her 2nd miscarriage. I then saw another mama post a blog about her experience. It honestly made me feel so much better in the fact that one, I am not alone in this, and two, this really is so common and it will be okay... I will get through this.
Getting to the hospital for my D&C was hard for me, I didn't know what to expect.
It was a long wait, and with the IV and the straps on my legs to prevent blood clotting...I didn't realize or have any idea this was like going into a surgery. Yes it is a very simple procedure, but being new to all of it, it really scared me. I got extremely nervous when I got into the OR, but I was asleep before I knew it and it was over.
That day coming back home and that night was hard for me. Physically yes a little, but mostly emotionally.
I am feeling better now that it is over, I will always remember this loss and pain it caused, but I feel like my meaning of "everyday" couldn't of been stronger. Thinking of my everyday, was with me more then ever during this experience. No matter how hard this experience was, or the pain it caused, my children & family were there for all of it making me feel loved, and blessed to have them in my life.
Seeing other mamas share their story truly helped me.
So If sharing my story helps even just one other mama out there, then it was all worth it.
Here are some more resources if you would like any more information on
miscarriage, symptoms, and treatment.